Past Present Future

by Kate Schell

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1.
Darkroom 04:29
The village is quiet tonight Sing soft and sweet a lullaby to rest the children’s eyes Fruits in season and flowers are bright The village is quiet tonight We had fields and valleys I had a man who loved me I understood the things around me As things of beauty I heard his horse running from miles away I saw his son chasing behind him as if he would stay And right then I could see the people gather ‘round This child they were shinin’ their lights on We had fields and valleys I had a man who loved me I understood the things around me As things of beauty We hide away in the boxes of a basement As undeveloped film I’ll climb up the ladder to my dark room My dark room attic
2.
While I’m away may you think of the place Where the sky meets the lake upside down Where the river is bent, and the water has sent Us through fields upon fields where I’ve found I could never be done loving you I could never be done loving you I could never be done loving you dear While I’m away may you think of the day When you held me beside the fire You felt the same but here somehow I changed And I knew you had filled me with life I could never be done loving you I could never be done loving you I could never be done loving you, dear The road is long. The night is cold I hear it all when I’m alone Whether I rise, whether I wake I’m taking the step you told me to take The garden is dry. The water is low The day may be dim, but there is light still The flowers can still turn to us still (You can still turn to us) The light may be dim The air is so still I hear you still I see you still It’s all around me All around me All around me still
3.
Shoeboxes 03:26
I am opening gates up to a property I once knew I knew it well when I knew you needed me too. Pull back the curtains, I’m cutting all of it open My heart’s been knocking my hard-earned memories down Shoo bah Shoo bah Shoe boxes filled with tickets Shoo bah Shoo bah Shoe boxes filled with letters from you Shoo bah Shoo bah Shoe boxes filled with tickets From my dearest, dearest friend Break down, break free let it all go Ghosts never learn to die I’ll take the good ones even though they still Make me wanna cry I feel it all rush in I’m reaching in And waving goodbye Shoo bah Shoo bah shoeboxes filled with tickets Shoo bah Shoo bah shoeboxes filled with letters from you Shoo bah Shoo bah shoeboxes filled with tickets From my dearest, dearest friend We were like kids with playground crowns We raced down hills, my heart was bound The sun never set, the sun never rose When we were alone the calendar froze
4.
We’ll find a way out We’re chasers of the light, we just got lost in a storm We’re pickin’ up fast and letting it go We’re not alone anymore It’s a new day. We’re free of our mistakes I’ll keep you safe in this place Dream, Dream, Dream My sweet friend, I hope you come back again And stay for good I’m on your side. You know I’ve always been I hope you stay for good. You kissed me away. I watched you take a step down from my place. I watched you walk away (I don’t blame you) I would have done the same You went away to play all around the world You’ve been so far away I was barely awake when I let you go I wish it didn’t end that way Dream, Dream, Dream My sweet friend, I hope you come back again And stay for good. I’m on your side. You know I’ve always been I hope you stay for good Dream in the night Talk a little to me in the night All the bad has turned to rust And there’s so much good in both of us and we’ll Dream, dream, dream Stay a little longer in the night Maybe we’ll remember what it’s like To open up our eyes to see There’s nothing left to run from and we’ll Dream, dream, dream
5.
Salt 04:12
Give me white light Make it shine, make me see, give me truth What really happened Could it fit behind a blink from my eyes when I cry? Make me see what’s really happening Tell me the truth I wanna know you Tell me the truth I wanna know you It circles around my mind Turn it off. Make it stop. Wake me up. Make me see why you’re turnin’ If I could never see I can’t care, I can’t stare, I can’t learn If I did wrong Tell me the truth. I wanna know you. Make it hurt. Make me learn. Make me change. Make it rain Salt to the wound Make it hurt. Make me learn. Make me change. Make it rain Salt to the wound It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever have to say But I’d rather know than live this way It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to take But I’d rather know than feel this way. Tell me the truth. I wanna know you.
6.
There is a boy who’s been living in my head He offers me water from a well And from the mouth of the well he rolled away the stone And my father has offered him a place to stay Sound, sound, sound the bells I’m going to choose you. Seven years go by and he’s working away My father deceived him, and I still have to wait My mind is running with my heart And it aches and it aches to think that you are Made up in my head Made up in my head Made up in my head Sound, sound, sound the bells I’m going to choose you Sound, sound, sound the bells I’m going to choose you I wanna know your name I wanna know, I need to know The choices you’ve made I wanna see your face I wanna see, I need to see If you are afraid I wanna hear your voice I wanna hear, I need to hear If it shakes I wanna take your hand I wanna walk away Sound the bells I’m going to choose you.
7.
Never Let Go 04:28
I’ve got something to say, I’ve never told you Hold on love I am the ghost that walks in the daylight And I can’t see Make me remember, make me believe That I had something to live for Something to keep I’ll never let go Blind to the way you left me Blind to the memory Left with the music box that you gave me I’m winding back the years I start to hear you when it plays I start to see you when it plays I’ll never let go Flip the lock Turn it back to a time we were together Turn the key, wind it up It’ll make me remember Let it play. Let it fade until I am better Spin away, spin around little ballerina I’ll never let go. Make me remember. Make me believe
8.
Wait 03:10
Deep in the mourning still in a rage I’m still here in the same state I’m a little bit shy, a little afraid To love you back the same Hold up, I need a little time to think I know that I can try Try to do better than you think I could You gotta give me a little time Wait here for me Wait for me I’ve got a few things left to take care of I got a good thing going on Got a year and a couple of days I don’t drink. A good thing’s going on. Nothing about me is the same Now I can look up not ashamed Though he hurt me in a way I can’t say I’m better off this way Wait here for me Wait for me I’m almost out of the dark I don’t see his face I’m looking over my shoulder I don’t see his face Wait here for me Wait for me
9.
Free to Love 03:26
In the light of a setting sun Do you remember when we were young? We had nothin’ to give, nothin’ to take Nothin’ to lose, nothin’ to fake We were free. We were loved We were free to love. In the light of the moon we’d sleep On a silver circled dream For a nickel or dime, we’d wake up to see We had ships to sail, we were pullin’ teeth We were free. We were loved. We were free to love. What I would give to go back What I would give to walk away Take a good look around you when the day breaks If I could take it all back If I could take it all away Would we be standing in the same place? I wanna see you again Don’t wanna hold back what could’ve been I wanna tell you I was so wrong to let you go And when we hate to remember We chose to forget I wanna know if you can recall this Tell me now where do you stand? Would you walk away Would you walk away Would you walk away We were free
10.
Gather up, gather ‘round Let us all hear how your mind sounds Maybe we’ll think your sane Maybe we’ll keep you safe Why do you keep so quiet? Everyone here is insane You’re better of talking about it ‘Cause everyone here feels your pain Everyone here feels the same We’ll run away with you and your shadow Run away with you and your truth Where medicated minds all think alike Where white walls hold us in We eat, sleep, breathe, all talk the same Even the unholy try to pray Someday soon we’ll get outa this This always surreal fuckin’ fog You’ll take your head up off your hands And you’ll learn to look up You’re gonna learn to look up We’ll run away with you and your shadow Run away with you and your truth

credits

released March 8, 2019

Recorded, mixed, and additional production by Mat Lejeune at Chicago Recording Company

Produced and arranged by Stefan Clark

Piano and Rhodes recorded at IV Lab Studios. Vocals recorded at The Vault at KMA. Mixed at Chicago Recording Co. and V.S.O.P. studios, Chicago

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Kate Schell Chicago, Illinois

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